Give Lufthansa The Shovel

Lufthansa German Airlines
Customer Relations Centre Europe
PO Box 9815
Dublin
Ireland

Lisbon, 28/01/05 21:00 GMT

Dear Sirs,

This morning I presented myself at your counter in Vienna Airport at 08:30 CET to check-in to flights LH 3531 (Vienna-Frankfurt) and LH 4532 (Frankfurt-Lisbon). I was given the two boarding passes and told to proceed to gate D53 at 10:20. Around 10:30 at gate D53 there’s was no one and no information, I looked at the screens and found out the flight was delayed. Later, through the gate’s screen, I was informed that the flight had moved to gate D58 so I went there only to see on gate 58 the information that it had been changed to gate D55. I waited for about half an hour at that gate together with other passengers and around eleven something showed up on the screen: first that an Austrian Airlines flight to Belgrade would be boarding there and then the inevitable announcement that LH 3531 had been moved to gate D59. When we finally boarded an hour later – you did manage to keep that gate, congratulations! - we were given a perfectly reasonable explanation; there had been a huge surprise: snow in Frankfurt. Not that it snowed, but that there was snow. I mean, if there was snow in Palma de Mallorca it would be perfectly normal and I’m sure they’re used to it because Iberia’s flight going there left on time, but in Frankfurt! Of course the flight was late! Who would have thought of snow in Frankfurt! The weather is mad, one of these days it snows in Moscow!
Anyway, we were then held at the gate for another 15 minutes for some mysterious operational reason – maybe there were clouds on the sky or some other odd event – and flew around Frankfurt for another 13 before landing. I guess the captain wanted to make sure we saw the snow to believe it. So we ended up landing an hour and a half later than scheduled.
Before landing, the purser, who claimed Lufthansa was worried about our connecting flights (worried, that’s all) informed the people flying to Osaka and Cairo that they had just earned an overnight stay in Frankfurt (they weren’t that happy, oddly enough) and the nice folk flying to Philadelphia that they would go to Washington first (again, the ungrateful weren’t excited about the extra trip). Then he told the rest of us with connecting flights that we should proceed urgently to the gates. He also informed us that we would not be going to the terminal but to the middle of nowhere where a nice gentleman in a bus would pick us up and take us to Terminal 1 – hey, when you’re just an hour and a half late, what’s a little extra bus ride? My gate was on Zone A (I’m attaching a map so you can follow) and as soon as we got off the bus in Zone B began my Lufthansa-sponsored grand tour of Frankfurt airport. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and I ran as fast as I could – you should really tell your passengers to wear sneakers, though – through the whole of Zone B and about 26 gates of Zone A in about 10 minutes – not bad, huh? But the gate was closed and the nice Lufthansa lady was too busy getting her purse to even look at me as she told me: “You’ve lost your flight”. Notice that “I” lost it. It’s all MY fault. I know I should have practised to improve my sprint to world record levels. But no, I was lazy so I had to go to the Lufthansa Transfer Desk – or so the Lufthansa lady told me - that was at the other end of Zone A between gates 15 and 16 to get a new booking.
When I finally got there – I still hadn’t changed to my sneakers so it took a while to jog my way – I waited about 15 minutes for my turn. The urgency for passengers is obviously not shared by Lufthansa. I gave the lady at the counter my boarding pass, she looked at it and said:
“So, you’ve lost your flight”
This time I had to reply and I did:
“It would be nice if you said: I’m Sorry WE made you lose your connecting flight”.
She didn’t apologise and just claimed she’d see what she could do. It wasn’t much. It wasn’t anything really but instructing me to go to leave the terminal and go to the ticket counter. As I failed to understand the explanation, I had to repeat it for confirmation:
“So when I buy a Lufthansa ticket and Lufthansa’s flight is late and then Lufthansa tells me I have to run to the gate and Lufthansa tells me I lost my connection and I have to go to the Transfer Desk (Lufthansa’s, of course) then, when all this happens, Lufthansa wants me to start again and go to Lufthansa’s ticket counter?”
“Yes”, she confirmed, “because it’s an e-ticket”
“A Lufthansa e-ticket, you mean?”
“Of course”
“Oh, now you can’t be expected to see a Lufthansa e-ticket on your Lufthansa computer at the Lufthansa Transfer Desk, now can you? And do I have to pay again as yet another punishment for being naughty and losing my flight”
She laughed – she seems too clever so she’ll probably resign soon. I was glad someone thought it was funny.
It was 2:00 p.m when I finally got to the Lufthansa ticket desk or should I say 200 meters away from it standing on a line. Half an hour later, my turn came.
“I need to change this ticket.”
“OK, so you lost the flight to Lisbon”.
“No, I didn’t”.
“Excuse me?”
“No, I did NOT lose the flight. Lufthansa MADE ME lose the flight.”
“It’s not our fault.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought I was at Lufthansa’s ticket counter. What is this, Air France? It does say Lufthansa up there and isn’t that a Lufthansa badge you have on your Lufthansa uniform? Because your colleague at the Transfer Desk said I had to come here.”
“Yes it is”
“So that’s why your colleague at the Transfer desk in Zone A told me to come here. And yes it is your fault. I’m quite sure it’s not mine. I was at Vienna airport more than two hours before departure time only, guess what, Lufthansa’s airplane wasn’t there.”
“There is a ticket counter in Zone A on the first floor next to the Transfer Desk”
“I’m quite amazed I didn’t GUESS there was one since your colleague doesn’t seem to know about its existence. Maybe she’s never been to the first floor.”
“The best I can do is to get you on the 18:40 flight.”
“Five hours later is the best you can do?”
“Listen, there is no other flight”
“I’m listening but I can also see one leaving for Madrid in an hour right here on the departures screen.”
“Yes, but then there’s no connection.”
“There’s no connection between Madrid and Lisbon, is that a joke? There’s a flight every hour and with five extra hours I can basically WALK home and still get there faster.”
“There’s no Star Alliance connection”.
“Oh, I see. That is a good name; stars are exactly what you start seeing after taking 12 hours to fly from Vienna to Lisbon. Do you know why? Because you start early in the morning but you’ll only get there at night. Of course, other terrible airlines can make it in 3 or 4 hours, but then again you don’t get to see the stars.”
“Do you want me to issue the ticket, or not?”
“Do I have an option besides putting my Lufthansa ticket in the trash where it belongs and going to Air France or British Airways or even Qantas and still get home faster?”
“It’s an Air Portugal ticket and…”
“An Air Portugal flight?
“Yes and…”
“Great. Don’t you just love flying Lufthansa? That’s a good strategy. You should send everyone who buys a Lufthansa ticket on other airlines. I’m sure everyone would be happy.”
“The check in is…”
“Check in? I thought I had checked in all the way”
“Not with Air Portugal.”
“No, dumb me, I thought I had a Lufthansa ticket. And my luggage?”
“Your luggage will follow you”.
“I’m quite sure it got lost already just trying to follow me around. Where’s the check in?”
“Zone D on Terminal 2.”
Obviously, the gate was on Zone E and fortunately Air Portugal’s flight left on time (even though I’m sure they were just lucky there wasn’t any snow in Lisbon where, as you know, it snows every year).
In face of this absurd situation, I have three requests for Lufthansa:
1- In the very remote chance that I ever fly Lufthansa again, could you please also send me to Zone C? That’s the only area I did not get a chance to see and I’m quite sure it’s lovely.
2- I would like your support to start a campaign to help Lufthansa called “Give Lufthansa the Shovel” so that, in the remote probability that it ever snows in Frankfurt again, you can actually remove the snow and depart on time. Isn’t it a great idea? We could even do it for other airports. I know it sound absurd but it may snow in Hamburg or Berlin one of these days and then the shovels would already be there.
3- Bearing in mind that it was your responsibility and that it was due to your incompetence and exclusively due to it that I was held for five hours at Frankfurt airport, I expect a full reimbursement of the expenses I have incurred at the airport’s restaurant and that I attach. It’s just a frugal meal - because my stomach could not take anything else – I had at the Fly Away Bar, an excellent name. And no, I did not tip. Of course, decent airlines usually give you a restaurant voucher, but this is Lufthansa. And you have been losing money for the last few years unlike other airlines. I wonder why? It’s the snow. It must be the snow.

Best regards,

Ex) Frequent Flyer Nº 9920 0113 7057 012

P.S. Sorry about the long text. Maybe you can read on your next Lufthansa connection. I know I had plenty of time.